Bobobo vs Steven's Psyche
by GojiraCipher
Summary: With his teenage years being so rough after what happens, Steven finds himself in Bobobo's home dimension. He's not going to get the help he needs.


**Bobobo vs. Steven's Psyche**

A boy, haunted by the past of his mother and his own unclear future, needed help. He needed as much help as possible, but he refuse to seek it.

Call it a teenage phase, pride, confusion, it doesn't matter. The longer he waits, the shorter the fuse become.

But today, fate has something in store for him.

_Ding-dong_

"I'll get it." Steven walked to the door. "Can I ….. Help yoooooou!?" Before he opened the door, the most crazy thing he would have expected was some Gem that wanted revenge for what his mother did, not some tall blonde-afro man with small sunglasses. That alone doesn't sound too strange, except the huge portal right behind him.

"Congratulations!" The blonde man said. "You've won the most basic plot device in fanfic history."

With eyes widen from confusion, Steven only uttered an 'um'.

"Now GET IN!"

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, the man grabbed ahold of Steven's arm and threw him right into the portal.

The half-gem boy screamed in terror as he hurls through space and time. The next thing he knew, he was laying on the grass in the middle of a forest opening.

"Wh-What just happened?!" he stood right up and looked towards a group of people. Well only two of them were actual human beings which includes a pink-haired girl and a boy with familiar looking white hair. "Who … who are you guys?!"

Then out of the sky, the blonde man from before landed before Steven.

"I am Bobobo-Bo-Bo-Bobo!" The man shouted as he points to Steven. "And we're here for you, Steven Universe!"

Steven didn't know what to do. He had so many questions and didn't know where to start, until one thought crossed his mind. He stood up, took a deep breath, and ask one question. "What did she do?"

Bo-bobo tilted his head. "She?"

"My mom." Steven answered, with not a lot of joy in his tone. "What has Pink Diamond aka Rose Quarts done to you?"

The two human teens in the background started to whisper to one another. "I don't know who his mother is." The pink-haired girl said. "But I think he just spoiled something big without a heads up."

"Well we are online." the white haired boy said.

Bobobo smiled. "This isn't about her." The man took out a notepad and started rubbing the back of his head. "I just wanted an autograph." He said with a sheepish smile.

"Uhhhhh, sure?" Steven took the notepad as the Bobobo hovered around him. "Can you sign 'To my biggest afro-loving fan.' Please please please with sugar on top?"

"Well this is new." Steven said as he signs away. "At least this isn't mom-related." He handed the notepad back and watch the man skip with joy.

"I got his autograph, yes yes yes! ….. Wait." Bo-bobo turned to Steven. "I forget, who are you?"

Steven's jaw dropped. "Are-are you feeling O.K.?" But then the pink-haired girl shouted over his voice.

"You really have the attention span of a rock!"

"That can't be good for the face." Steven gestured to the girl's facial expression. "So I guess we'll just go over names first." Steven cleared his throat. "My name is Steven Universe, who are you people?"

The pink-haired girl was the first to speak. "My name is Beauty."

"And I'm Gasser." The white-haired boy spoke up, standing close to Beauty.

An orange spiked creature spoke next. "I'm Don Patch!"

"And I'm General Jelly Jiggler." A blue-blob man answered.

A moment of silence followed as the six just stood there.

"Did we forget to hire back Soften, Dengakuman, and the others?" Beauty asked, but Bobobo was quick to ignore.

"Well that was fun, time for you to go home." He grabbed onto a floating zipper and opened up the portal. "Return to your world while we do nothing since our manga series halted like our TV show."

Steven raised an eyebrow and looked at Beauty.

"Trust me, crazier things happen with these guys. I say go home."

Steven rubbed his neck. "Dimension traveling and some crazy guy popping out of nowhere in one day. Why am I getting Deja vu all of a sudden." Steven was about to step in, but Bobobo blocked him.

"Did you just say 'Deja vu?'"

"Yeah, why?"

Bobobo then clapped his hands on his cheeks and yelled. "That must mean you're having mental issues!"

"Mental issues?!" shouted Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler.

"You mean like actual dark and realistic content?" Jelly ran around. "We can't handle that stuff!"

"We only do random comedy!" Don Patch rolled around the ground.

"But we can't just leave him like this, Don Patch!" Bobobo jumped into the air and landed right on Donpatch's head, possibly causing a fractured skull. "We got to cure him!"

"Me, what about him?!" Steven shouted, pointing at Don Patch.

"I'm glad you asked!" Don Patch jumped up, looking perfectly fine with a bow tie and microphone. "It all started in my home town when Shonen Jump begged me to be the star of their new show and-"

"Fooooooouuuuuur!" Bobobo launched him into the air with a golf club. "Early to bed, early to wake up on the wrong side!" Bobobo threw Steven on the couch and quickly changed into a shrink outfit. "Now tell me all about it."

"Oh, so when a random kid from some overrated cartoon shows up, he gets all the love and attention. But whenever I utter some of my problems, you guys just tell me to shrug it off. Shrug off the fact that my paycheck is worse than the janitor's and I'll probably get kicked out of my apartment! But noooo, it's always the cute adorable children that suffer. Well where's my love and respect, huh?!"

"O.K., who was that just now?!" Steven looked around for the source of the voice. "Wait, overrated cartoon?"

"Great, we were able to afford the narrator to come back." Beauty said with mild annoyance.

"Again, worse paycheck than the janitor!"

"Am I being filmed?" Steven looked around.

"DON'T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL, BOY!" Bobobo shouted. "Now a word from our sponsors."

"Hello, Hello, Hellllloooooo!"

Several masked-wearing creatures showed up. "Did you ever read a fanfiction and thought 'Boy I wish there was a fanfiction about dimensional traveling crystals?' Well say no more with our amazing fanfiction, 'The Cross-Over Cry-"

"And we're back on the air!" Bobobo then ran over the creatures with a truck.

"Ahhhh!" Steven screamed as he licks his hand. "I'll save you!"

"Oh no, he's loose!" Bobobo shouted, now dressed in white hospital clothings. "We need to get him into the nuthouse, fast!"

Don Patch and Jelly Jigger tackled him to the ground. "Don't get too close, he's armed!"

Beauty popped up. "I don't know what he plans to do with his spit, but I doubt it's anymore crazy than you guys!"

As Steven struggles to get free, his pink aura appeared. "Enough!" Steven stood up and threw the two off. "Can we just stay sane for five minutes!?" He shouts of rage which shook the ground beneath his feet..

"O.K., O.K!" Don Patch and Jelly crawled right back and dropped to their knees. "We'll do what you want, just don't kick our butts!"

"... Wow, what strength and …. So normal." Beauty's cheeks glowed red as her heart beats like a thousand horses. "I think I'm in love."

"Whoooooaaaaaa!?" Gasser eyes bulged out as Beauty leaped to the boy.

"What was your name again, cutie?" Beauty held onto Steven's arm, startling the boy. "So…" Beauty stare at the now nervous boy with alluring eyes. "Are you seeing anyone?"

* * *

Back in Steven's world, Connie's mind was taken off from school work by a great disturbance.

* * *

"T-T-Take it easy, please." Steven said as he calmly try to let loose of Beauty.

"Yeah, he's my patient." Bobobo said now dressed as a nurse. "Now come along young man, time for your medicine." The man dressed in drag was disturbing enough, but of course he had to take out a comidicaly and horrifying large needle. "Now hold still."

"Ahhhhh!" Steven broke free from Beauty and ran as fast has his gem powers allowed. "Where's the zipper, where's the zipper!?" Steven looked around the area for his way back, but could not find it.

"This looks like a job for Detective Jelly Jiggler!" Jelly said, now dressed as a black and white detective. He sits in his office, monologuing to himself. "It all started on that one raining night. A lovely client dressed in orange walked into my office."

"D-Detective Jelly?" Don Patch acting as a women walked in. "I have a serious problem and-"

"I and a lot of other people don't even know what you're satirizing and I don't care!" Steven interrupted their skit as he continues to look for the zipper.

"Hey, the writers worked real hard writing this bit!" Jelly Jiggler shouted.

Steven ignored Jelly as he search.

"Need a hand?' the Narrator asked. "I would give you one, but they don't pay me enough to even be shown."

Steven's pupils shrink as he heard Bobobo coming.

"Get back here or I'll make this into a game of darts!"

Acting quickly, Steven jumped right into a tree and watched the clueless Bobobo run right by.

"Phew." Steven sighed. "Hey, Narrator. I wish I can help you, but I'm pretty desperate at the moment."

"You 'wish' you can help me … That's the nicest thing anyone ever said!"

Steven was surprised by the sudden shift in mood for the disembodied voice.

"Bobobo's hiding the zipper in his hair …. Also you should take notice of that bird next to you."

"Bird, what ….." Steven looked at the bird, with the only bird-related feature was the beak, attached to Bobobo.

The two jumped right out of the tree and back on the ground. "O.K., I have had enough." Steven tighten his fist. "I like to go with the peaceful way, but you leave me no choice."

"So you want a fight, eh." Bobobo did his signature pose. "Super Fist of the Nose Hair!"

Steven encased his fists with his bubbles. "You may be a mad man, someone that needs more help than I do. But my life ever taught me anything, that I need to ….. Nose-WHAT?!"

Then out from nose, several long and thick nose hairs shot out and struck Steven like whips. "CalArts Calamity!"

Bobobo smiled in victory as Steven landed on the ground. "You have much to learn, much to gain."

"What did you do to my love interest!?" Beauty shouted from a distance.

"You see, despite your power. You cannot change the fact that the world is flat." Bobobo turned to the side. "Don't you find it suspicious that we can't see the curve of the world a mile away? That is because NASA lied. Also the moon is made of cheese, jack pepper cheese. Also I'm the only one that really exists and DAAAAAH!"

Bobobo was caught off guard by a sudden punch in the gut by the now pink-empowered boy. The man was forced right into several trees and into a brick wall head first.

"Hey, Bobobo." Don Patch said to the now dazed Bobobo. "I built the wall just like you asked, now who are you gonna throw into it?" Bobobo stood up and grabbed a hold of Don Patch. "Yooooooouuuuu!" Bobobo shouted as he throws Don Patch to the wall.

Bobobo turned around to see Steven running like a mad bull. "Oh no! I gotta call my mom!" Bobobo took out his phone and ran from Steven. "Mommy, help me! Somebody's bullying me!"

"_For the last time, stop calling me!"_ A female voice shouted from the phone. "_My husband's a Sayian Prince and he'll-"_

Bobobo threw his phone at Steven, no effect.

"What to do, what to do! Wait, is that…." Bobobo ran towards a bus stop and found all his missing friends. "You guys came back!" Bobobo held his arms out in joy.

"We'll never forget you, Bobobo." Dengakuman said as he jumps into Bobobo's arms.

"We'll be with you till the end." Mr. Soften said.

"If he's joking too much, I'll destroy him!" Torpedo Girl said as she leans on Soften.

"You … you guys!" Bobobo held everyone in a group hug, and then threw them all at Steven. "Friend Meat Shield, activate!"

As if they were paper, Steven knocked back the whole group. "I'll make it up to you after I stop this guy!" Steven apologized to his defeated obstacles as he continues to chase Bobobo.

They ran for what felt like hours, until suddenly.

"Bobobo-Bo-Bo-Bobo!" A new challenger appeared before the two 'It is I, Czar Baldy Bald the 4th! Here to finally-." He was stopped by the look of primal rage in Steven's eyes. "... Continue by personal and peaceful hike in the woods, bye." He ran off, followed by some octopus and a reptilian alien thing.

"Wait a minute. I just got an idea." Bobobo brainstormed. "We've had countless of characters on the show. If each one randomly pops up, they can slow that Stan boy down. That way I'll have enough time to do some Wiggin to distract him and then I unleashed my ultimate attack. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I just have to get my arm unstuck first …. Uh oh."

"Hello, Narrator here. I've been pretty neglected here. On the count of this being a fanfiction and all. But I might as well tell the viewer here that as Bobobo was hatching his plan, Steven just walked up and grabbed Bobobo's arm. Kind of reminds me of how my ex-wife took the house and kids and left me that stupid goldfish that died three days later."

"So uh…" Bobobo tried to think of a few words. "Care for another pop culture reference? Maybe something from Neon Genes-"

Steven didn't give him the time to finish as he starts beating the ever living stuffing out of him to unleash his not-for-long out-of-character anger.

"Bobobo!" Beauty and the others caught up and witness the horrific event that wasn't allowed to be described in a T rated fanfiction. "We got to save him!"

"After the bets." Don Patch said as he waves his cash in the air.

The beating lasted for about fifteen minutes as Steven shouted and shouted. "Then turned out my mom left her standing there for thousands of years and then the Earth almost died again and …. And …" The energy in Steven was completely depleted and the boy sat on the ground, stopping his reign of terror to catch his breath. "Phew, guess all I needed to do was just let it all out through both vocal and physical communication." Steven looked at the the now bandaged covered Bobobo. "But not like that." He sighed and licked his hand. "Hold still."

_Much Later_

Steven stood in front of the Bobobo gang as the man himself opened the portal. "Steven Universe, thank you for teaching me the true meaning of Christmas."

"... Whatever." Steven waved. "And thanks for the lesson. Now I hope no one was worried about-"

Then out of the portal came the literal cast of Steven Universe, including the Diamonds.

"There he is!" Connie shouted while riding Lion. "Steven, we came as soon as I had that weird supernatural feeling. We're here to save you!"

"From other equal life forms!" shouted White Diamond. "Get behind us Steven and we'll …. What?" She then noticed Gasser's hair and looked at her own. "Are we in the literal future? Did I pull a Pink? Are you my son?!"

Bobobo-Bo-Bo-Bobo looked at all the Gems and grinned. With his nose hair he struck Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst. "You're overrated!" He posed as he poofed all three.

He attacked Lapis, Peridot, and Bismuth. "You're overrated!"

Finally, he attacked all three Diamonds, poofing them was well. "You're all overrated!'

Steven again was shocked and confused. This would have angered him, but what happened to the last three victims was just, incomprehensive. "You just ….. Poofed the Diamonds …. With just one shot … and you lost to me …. And we never …. Heh … heh … heh heh heeeh heeeh."

Steven sat down, nervously laughing to himself as he grasps his head.

"I got them!" Connie gathered the Gems as Lion picked up Steven. "We'll get you home and get you the help you need."

"Wait!" Beauty ran up to them. "Is he single?"

A single sword and one rabid glare was all Beauty needed to back off. "I ship you guys."

And so Connie and Lion brought the broke Steven and the Gems back home, where they will never speak of this day again.

**The End**


End file.
